Joke: Two Blind Pilots

Two blind pilots enter the rear entrance of the plane, both wearing dark glasses, one using a guide dog, and the other tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport.
As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, “Ya know, Bob, one of these days they’re gonna scream too late, and we’re all gonna die.” 

“GOODBYE MOM”

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.  If he stopped, she stopped.  Furthermore she kept staring at him.          She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”         He answered, “That’s okay.” “I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out ‘Good bye, Mom’ as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”   She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mom.”       The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.       Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries.        “That comes to $121.85,” said the clerk.    “How come so much?  I only bought 5 items.”     The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said You’d be paying for her things, too.”      Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker.       Have a HAPPY DAY and be especially kind to      sweet old ladies in the grocery store.

The Navy Chief

 The Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name sailor?”

 “John,” the new seaman replied.

 “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’. Do I make myself clear?”

 

“Aye, Aye Chief!”

 “Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”

 The seaman sighed. “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”

 “Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do ….”

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